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(Protest Love)

Foot steps of the Wisp [25 Nov 2007|01:57pm]

Foot steps of the Wisp

foot steps down the pavement
the wind slides smoothly over my skin
there she goes tears streaming
she's gone again

She takes those questions with her
What are you going to give
What do you want from this
Those words fade ... melting into the wind

I hope you find what you're looking for
I hope your feet find you firm
I hope the dew finds your morning
and your mind and heart are set

My voice trickles over the waves of emotion
Carry my words to her dear wind
Let her find her heart and deliver it
To another who has the Heart to Love... completely

Let him be strong
Let him be passionate
Let him be committed
And let him be nothing like me

So she takes her dance with her
Fetching the rain slicked skin
Sliding smoothly under the stars
They follow her into time and memory

She takes her voice... sullen
And moves with rythm through the night
Tears flowing - voice breaking she's running
slipping further into that void that all past Lovers fill

foot steps down the pavement
My eye sight is failing me
Like so many others before her
she's gone - and will not return

-J Livingston

(Protest Love)

Guided By Wire [05 Jul 2006|10:35pm]

It's funny how a song just kind of encapsulates how you feel about music and your life...

The voices that did comfort me
At furthest from my sanity
Come from places I had never seen
Even in my darkest recollection
There was someone singing my life back to me

The life you learn from someone else
That you can only trust yourself
Sometimes that is still too much to want
Morality won't get you through the mazes
You can never travel by the way you've come

I could never choose the ones to love
And the ones who took the credit left me reeling
But I owe much to the nameless
And all the surrogates
Those who're singing my life back to me

Life is not a constant thing
It's only made of short stories
I couldn't even tell you where I'm from
Guided by the voices I've perfected
Guided by electric wires' hum

I could never choose the ones to love
And the ones who took the credit left me reeling
But I owe much to the nameless
And all the surrogates
Those who're singing my life back to me

Well I'll see you in the future skipping time
While the eyes of all the faithful rest in peace
And tonight I see the highway
Like a cheetah underfoot
And someone's singing my life back to me
Someone's singing my life back to me

(Protest Love)

The Liar [31 Jan 2006|07:54pm]

The LiarCollapse )

(Protest Love)

Chasing A Butterfly Through A Briar Patch [28 Nov 2005|09:02am]

[ mood | annoyed ]

Why is it that good kids can never admit to themselves they are being used until some horrendous event? Even when all the signs are there, it takes the proverbial slab in the face to awaken the dreamer and to kill the unwarranted hope that keeps such a person coming back for more and more abuse . . . fuck it all to hell!!!

~The Frozen Phoenix~

(Protest Love)

Through The Looking Glass [23 Nov 2005|12:31am]

[ mood | I Need An Out ]

Is it bad that with each passing day I wish I had a remote to fast forward time? I swear that more and more I wish it were the spring of 2010. I would be graduating law school making good money living in a city far far away from this hellhole . . . and most of all the drama that is college would be over. But most of all, by 24 if I haven’t met someone, then I can be satisfied losing hope and I can be happy. But at 20, I am still a sucker for “maybes” and I am really becoming numb to being walked all over.

Two dates have really made me realize the true extent to which my life at 20 sucks . . . December 3rd and December 17th. I mean hell . . . I am pretty good looking and I am a damn good guy, but there is a stigma I carry with me always stemming from my days as the fat kid in grade/high school. I need a date for my office Christmas party on December 3rd (since I have been there a year and I have never brought a date to an event). Oh and I just got promoted so I am trying to impress. Then there is December 17th . . . my brothers wedding. I am in the wedding and I have no date. Each family event being the only of four brothers without a date gets worse.

Most of all, I need to get out of Memphis. Everyone I meet ends up hearing of my past and how I was the high school “loser”. The fact that I lost 100 lbs and I am a total extravert now means nothing to girls. The flock to be my friend and bitch when I don’t do everything for them, but then God forbid on would date me. No fuck that, God forbid one would go with me to a dinner or wedding as just a friend. Why does the world work this way? After 20 years I know one thing for sure . . . I need a fresh start!

But I digress . . .


(Protest Love)

The Void [03 Nov 2005|11:53am]

The void

there is a simple sort of pleasure in nothing
having nothing, being nothing, saying nothing
hearing nothing, taking nothing, giving nothing
the simplicity of silence and stillness

living in a void hovering slightly over the earth
there is nothing to touch you; nothing to feel
Not a sound or song, no Love or pain at all
slipping through your finger tips, nothing is what you feel

The world is empty but somehow not yet cold
the heat of nothing and the cooless of nowhere
resounding in the empty depths of silence
and feeling out the comforting winds of loneliness

Here people do not exist and conversations are not had
Thoughts are not created nor conveyed
Feelings cease in their writhing intensity
and nothing calms, soothes, and brings solace

Here there are no tragedies, and no heartache
Here tears do not fall, and the fires of lust fade
Here there are no songs, but the sweet hum
Carressing, covering, flowing, and bringing stillness

The hum fills, lifts, and lulls the soul into silence
It is the song of silence and the weight of nothing
The absense of all movement, thought, and feeling
That brings about stillness, peace, and calm

I will rest here a weary soldier in this void
Letting nothing comfort my broken heart
Silence will be the song eminating from my spirit
and I shall dance in the stillness that covers all wounds

Feeling empty isn't always a bad thing.

(Protest Love)

Fucking Die Coward Ass Bitches [07 Sep 2005|10:42am]

[ mood | bitchy ]

This is a portion of my real post . . . it is all that applies for this community.

Anyways . . .

Why the fuck can’t a girl just say no. When I work up the courage to ask a girl out I would expect a little spine in the rejection. At least then I can walk away with a smile on my face knowing that I don’t have a chance and I never did. It makes it much easier to swallow. No she has to fuck things all up. Seriously, I explained things to Tim last night. It is like a spectrum. On one side is YES and on the other side is NO. The further you get from YES or No the closer you get to the center . . . no idea what I’m talking about??? Okay, a diagram:

Yes ----Yes, but not right now-----------Maybe---------No, but let’s be friends-------No

YES and NO are good and Maybe sucks and everything else is relatively crappy comparatively. Get it now?

Anyways . . . last night I got the worst response I have ever had. Obviously it wasn’t yes cause I wouldn’t be bitching, and it wasn’t no cause that would just be familiar. Hell, it wasn’t even maybe, which I could deal with. It was, “Maybe, but not right now casue I need to get to know you better. Oh but can we still be friends and keep hanging out all the time like we have been?”

OMGWTF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! How many cliques can you use in one line???

To make matters worse, that wasn’t all. Then we had a talk. I sent her on a guilt trip from hell for that one. I mean seriously, you just shot me down in dynamic fashion . . . the last thing I want to do is talk!!! She said that she has tried both ways and getting to know someone first works better for her. I told her I was sorry cause things just work the opposite. She looked confused that this could be the case. Babette anyone??? Fuck being friends first and then asking someone out. Once your in the “Friend Zone” you can never escape. Hell it took me over a year to finally stop talking to Babals and to realize the true bitch she is.

Even if it had ended there I would have been fine, but there is even more. As previously mentioned, I ABSOLUTELY HATE THE FUCKING “LET’S STILL BE FRIENDS” LINE!!!!!! She didn’t just use it in her pseudo-rejection, but then she made it a point to continue to bring up over and over how she wanted to still be my friend. For that I can only brood and laugh at what I will probably do. I am a nice guy who usually just walks away from rejection and moves on with my life . . . but the asshole is kicking in and I already have some really bad ideas . . .

And the last thing (I Promise) . . . Why does my college have to be like a fucking high school. Seriously, everyone is going to know about this by the time I get to class this afternoon. Not to mention the fact I will have to see her in class this afternoon. Hell, I bet she didn’t even wait two seconds after I left to tell her roommate . . . I hated high school . . . that is why I don’t hangout on campus. Fuck that place!!! It is good for class to get me into Law School and that’s about it.

“I'm good to go
For something golden
Though the motions I've been going through have failed
And I'm coasting on potential towards a wall
At a 100 miles an hour”

~Fall Out Boy~

And I'm done,


(Protest Love)

Thanks to the Assholes of the World . . . Now Die [03 Sep 2005|11:47am]

[ mood | It's Me Against the World ]

Prior to my 16th birthday, I was a gullible loser who was very overweight and who had no friends. Then sitting at the dinner table that night with my grandfather we had a talk that forever changed my life. I lost 100 lbs, went from a hermit to actually being social, and I went from issuing kindness blindly to actually accessing the situation first. People who say I never really changed because no one ever changes are wrong. Need proof . . . okay. Well for starters losing 100 pounds when you use to eat like six times a day is a slight change. Then the fact that my grades went from a 3.33 to a 4.0 +. Oh, and then there is the fact of how successful I became in almost every endeavor with older people I partook in . . . when I use to be afraid of talking to adults.

I came to a realization on my 20th birthday now as well . . . the people of the world suck. Anyone who is nice gets used so much that eventually they just give up and become a horrible person themselves. They don't have a choice. It is simple self-preservation. So now that I am getting older it is time for me to change again. This time it is less physical and much more mental. Kindness . . . maybe when I absolutely know someone is not trying to fuck me over . . . maybe. Relationships . . . fuck the nice guy approach! Sure it gets you a fuck load of girls that think you are the most "amazing, wonderful, and caring" man on the planet. Yet they simply use you as a therapist and then go out and continue to date the assholes of the world. I am done with that. Guys treat girls like shit and get what they want and then I spend hours helping girls pick up the pieces and I don't get shit. This use to be fine . . . but no more. And as for the rest of the fuckers of the world . . . their day has come. No more will I let other people say and do what ever the want to me and just laugh it off. From now on, any of those jackasses who cross my path are going to hear about it. I am no longer the door mat!

It really sucks . . . because I use to enjoy being the nice guy. No the enjoyment that comes from that is far outweighed by the pain that follow from getting used. Every time I use to get used I would just move on and tell myself "This time it will be different" . . . well now I know that it is never different. Adam Smith had it right when he wrote on self-preservation . . . only now it has become a dark art.

To all those who I have hurt by writing this or who I will hurt in the future because of it I will apologize . . . although I am not really sure if I mean it or not . . .

It is time to stop worrying about others and to get me mine . . .



(Protest Love)

Disquieted [09 Jul 2005|11:39am]

DisquietedCollapse )

(Protest Love)

Under the stars... [11 Jun 2005|03:15pm]

Under the stars...

let me sit if only for a moment
under the clear night sky
find me a breaze to carry me along
and lead my mind far far away

dont let me slip from your grasp
under the star lit cool of this eve
find my warmth and breath it in fully
and lead me into that euphoric spinning embrace

let the grass grow up around me
and my hands find their roots
find me a meadow to lay in
and let your body surround me

dont let my eyes turn from you
while you cover me with your breath
bring me back once again to your gaze
and let me take in this moment completely

let the trees lean over my vision
and let the star light trickel through
find me a branches melody to sway to
and let your hair flow over me

take this moment and trace it slowly
find it's root in the very pit of my warmth
consider me only for in this moment
there I am, and I am not lonely....

(Protest Love)

[24 May 2005|01:21pm]

I hope you think you read me
hope I stop talking crazy before you understand me

are we through
you think that I'm beneath you?
but you like the things that I do


-Matchbox 20 (You're so real)

(Protest Love)

[21 May 2005|01:37pm]

random lyrics running around my head right now cuz I'm really depressedCollapse )

i cut some lines out cuz they just dont fit
so the song lyrics arent perfect
except for me...

(Protest Love)

Duran Duran - Ordinary World [03 Apr 2005|07:54pm]

Came in from a rainy Thursday
On the avenue
Thought I heard you talking softly

I turned on the lights, the TV
And the radio
Still I can't escape the ghost of you

What has happened to it all?
Crazy, some are saying
Where is the life that I recognize?
Gone away

But I won't cry for yesterday
There's an ordinary world
Somehow I have to find
And as I try to make my way
To the ordinary world
I will learn to survive

Passion or coincidence
Once prompted you to say
"Pride will tear us both apart"
Well now pride's gone out the window
Cross the rooftops
Run away
Left me in the vacuum of my heart

What is happening to me?
Crazy, some'd say
Where is my friend when I need you most?
Gone away

But I won't cry for yesterday
There's an ordinary world
Somehow I have to find
And as I try to make my way
To the ordinary world
I will learn to survive

Papers in the roadside
Tell of suffering and greed
Here today, forgot tomorrow
Ooh, here besides the news
Of holy war and holy need
Ours is just a little sorrow
It's all gone away

And I don't cry for yesterday
There's an ordinary world
Somehow I have to find
And as I try to make my way
To the ordinary world
I will learn to survive

Every one
Is my world, I will learn to survive
Any one
Is my world, I will learn to survive
Any one
Is my world
Every one
Is my world

(1 ♥ | Protest Love)

Cup of Coffee [29 Mar 2005|07:02pm]

[ mood | okay ]

Cup of Coffee

You tell me you don't love me over a cup of coffee
And I just have to look away
A million miles between us
Planets crashing to dust
I just let it fade away

I'm walking empty streets hoping we might meet
I see your car parked on the road
The light on at your window
I know for sure that you're home
But I just have to pass on by

So no of course we can't be friends
Not while I'm still this obsessed
I guess I always knew the score
This is how our story ends

I smoke your brand of cigarettes
And pray that you might give me a call
I lie around in bed all day just staring at the walls
Hanging round bars at night wishing I had never been born
And give myself to anyone who wants to take me home

So no of course we can't be friends
Not while I still feel like this
I guess I always knew the score
This is where our story ends

You left behind some clothes
My belly summersaults when I pick them off the floor
My friends all say they're worried
I'm looking far too skinny
I've stopped returning all their calls

And no of course we can't be friends
Not while I'm still so obsessed
I want to ask where I went wrong
But don't say anything at all

It took a cup of coffee
To prove that you don't love me

(8 ♥ | Protest Love)

For All the Forgotten "Nice Guys" Out There [26 Mar 2005|10:45am]

[ mood | Mellow ]

Hello Everyone, This is my first post so I wanted to start it off with a bang:

This is a tribute to the nice guys. The nice guys that finish last, that never become more than friends, that endure hours of whining and bitching about what assholes guys are, while disproving the very point. This is dedicated to those guys who always provide a shoulder to lean on but restrain themselves to tentative hugs, those guys who hold open doors and give reassuring pats on the back and sit patiently in the starbucks of the world waiting for her to finish her vanilla bean frappuccino even though you hate starbucks in general. This is in honor of the guys that obligingly reiterate how cute, beautiful, smart, funny, sexy their female friends are at the appropriate moments, because they know most girls need that kind of support. This is in honor of the guys with open minds, with laid-back attitudes, with honest concern, with emotional souls, and with broken hearts. This is in honor of the guys who respect a girl’s every facet, from her privacy to her theology to her needs.

This is for the guys who escort their drunk, bewildered female friends back from parties and never take advantage of them, for the guys who accompany girls to bars as buffers against the rest of the overly horny male population, for the guys who know a girl is fishing for compliments but give them out anyway, for the guys who always get up even though everyone knocks them down, for the guys who always play by the rules in a game where the rules favor cheaters, for the guys who give there hearts and souls only to receive a emotional thrashing, for the guys who are accredited as boyfriend material but somehow don’t end up being boyfriends, for all the nice guys who are overlooked, underestimated, and unappreciated, for all the nice guys who are manipulated, misled, and unjustly abandoned, this is for you.

This is for that time she left 20 drunken messages on your cell phone, and when you called her back, she spent three hours painstakingly uttering two phrases: all guys are assholes and her life is miserable. And even though you know she is a spoiled princess with a great life and that she has a nice guy right on the line, you talk for hours to convince her that it will all be okay. This is for that time she interrupted the best score you’d ever orchestrated on Warcraft III to rant about a rumor that made her look bad and had people calling her a slut. And even though you thought it was immature and you had no real proof it was a rumor and not true, you logged off battle.net with a loss just to help her concoct a plan to regain her former glory while taking down those responsible. This is for the time you finally told her you liked her only to be shot down and then come to find out months later from her friend that she really does like you but that you are "too" nice. This is also for that time she didn’t have a date, so after numerous vows that there was nothing "serious" between the two of you, she dragged you to a party where you knew nobody, the beer was awful, and she flirted shamelessly with you, justifying each fit of reckless teasing by announcing to everyone: "oh, but we’re just friends!" And even though you were invited purely as a symbolic warm body for her ego, you went anyways. Because you’re nice like that.

The nice guys don’t often get credit where credit is due. And perhaps more disturbing, the other guys often reap the fruits of the labor you do. And I wish there was a logical explanation this trend, but I'm afraid there isn't. From what I have seen on campus and what I have learned from talking to friends at other schools and in the workplace, the only conclusion I can come up with is that many girls are just illogical, manipulative bitches, but this is not their fault, society makes them that way. Many of them claim they just want to date a nice guy, but when presented with such a specimen, they say irrational, confusing things such as "oh, he’s too nice to date" or "he would be a good boyfriend but he’s not for me" or "he already puts up with so much from me, I couldn’t possibly ask him out!" or "he is too good for me" or "he knows too much about me" or "he is like my brother" or the most frustrating of all: "no, it would ruin our friendship." Yet, they continue to complain about the lack of datable men in the world, and they expect their too-nice-to-date male friends to sympathize and apologize for the men that are jerks. Sorry, guys, girls like that are beyond my ability to fathom. I can’t figure out why the connection breaks down between what they say they want (I want a nice guy!) and what they go and do (I’m going to sleep with this complete asshole now!). But one thing I can do is say that the nice-guy-finishes-last phenomenon doesn’t last forever. There are definitely many girls who grow out of that train of thought (usually about the time they want to get married) and realize they should be dating the nice guys, not taking them for granted. The tricky part is finding one of those girls sooner than later, and even trickier, finding the ones that aren't either taken by another nice guy or inescapably attached to an asshole.

So, until those girls are found, I propose a toast to all the nice guys. You know who you are, and I know you’re sick of hearing yourself described as ubiquitously nice. But the truth of the matter is, the world needs your patience in the startbucks of the world, your holding open of doors, your party escorting services, your propensity to be a sucker for a pretty smile, your seemingly endless supply of undeserved compliments, your willingness to do all the work for none of the glory, your impeccable morals, and your bleeding heart. For all the crazy, inane, absurd things you tolerate, for all the situations where you are the faceless, nameless hero, my accolades, my acknowledgement, and my gratitude go out to you. You do have credibility in this society, and your well deserved vindication is coming, although I cannot say when.

~The Frozen Phoenix~

Disclaimer: Idea and some text from Random Webpage Online

(3 ♥ | Protest Love)

Stumbled over this site... [10 Feb 2005|03:38pm]

Which is kind of ironic, considering what I just went through. I hope story-posting is allowed, but if not, feel free to delete it with my apologies.

Do you remember what we promised when we met my love?
There would never be a reason for regret my love.
Bad news has come to town, but news flies up and down
That another you have found to lie with you, my love.

If the wind could whisper by that it's not true my love,
And the seas could rise and cry that it's not you my love.
If the hills could only say that you were on your way
Then happy I would stay and be with you, my love.

Every night I light a light for your return my love,
But the morning light's a lesson to be learned my love.
That I who learned to trust have been betrayed and must
Forever more be cursed for wanting you, my love.

Remember what we promised when we met my love?
There would never be a reason for regret my love.
But I who learned to trust have been betrayed and must
Forever more be cursed for wanting you my love.

Why I'm hereCollapse )
So there's my story.

(Protest Love)

You Oughta Know - Alanis [01 Feb 2005|09:58pm]

cut for some lyricsCollapse )

(1 ♥ | Protest Love)

[02 Jan 2005|07:33pm]


(1 ♥ | Protest Love)

[23 Nov 2004|01:08am]

"and every time I scratch my nails down someone else's back
I hope you feel it...
well can you feel it?"

(Protest Love)

Daniel Bedingfield- If i'm not the one [13 Nov 2004|06:50pm]

If you’re not the one then why does my soul feel glad today?
If you’re not the one then why does my hand fit yours this way?
If you are not mine then why does your heart return my call
If you are not mine would I have the strength to stand at all

I never know what the future brings
But I know you are here with me now
We’ll make it through
And I hope you are the one I share my life with

I don’t want to run away but I can’t take it, I don’t understand
If I’m not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am?

Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?

If I don’t need you then why am I crying on my bed?
If I don’t need you then why does your name resound in my head?
If you’re not for me then why does this distance maim my life?
If you’re not for me then why do I dream of you as my wife?

I don’t know why you’re so far away
But I know that this much is true
We’ll make it through
And I hope you are the one I share my life with
And I wish that you could be the one I die with
And I pray in you’re the one I build my home with
I hope I love you all my life

I don’t want to run away but I can’t take it, I don’t understand
If I’m not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?

‘Cause I miss you, body and soul so strong that it takes my breath away
And I breathe you into my heart and pray for the strength to stand today
‘Cause I love you, whether it’s wrong or right
And though I can’t be with you tonight
You know my heart is by your side

I don’t want to run away but I can’t take it, I don’t understand
If I’m not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?

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